whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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