I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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