Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
