dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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