are you so shy because you have an std?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
