He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
