I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
