True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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