Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
