and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
