I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
