Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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