those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
