i wish there were pregnant emoticons
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
