Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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