I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
