do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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