Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
