So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
