we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
