She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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