So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
