i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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