If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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