I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
