There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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