There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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