Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
