Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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