Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
