wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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