Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
