dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
