Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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