so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
