How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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