Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
a search helicopter?!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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