I wanna passion pit in your ass
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
