so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
