Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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