We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I skipped work to stalk him.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
