he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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