You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize