the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
