He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
