I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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