**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
