alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
