In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
