i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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