He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
