She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
