why didn't you poke me back
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize