I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
