My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
