So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
