the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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