I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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