High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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