I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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