I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
