Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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