I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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