So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
