this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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