Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
