I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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