I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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